last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
