At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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