Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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