he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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