True but thats because hes a fetus.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
