i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
