Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
