i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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