I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
