This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
