dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
