I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
