when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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