what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
