It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
