Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
