She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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