Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The Olympian is in my bed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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