I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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