Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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