Swine flu. Run for my life!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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