Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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