Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
