i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
