Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
