I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
