I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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