This is not my ceiling
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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