i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
