He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
