VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
