ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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