even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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