I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
