bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
