Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
