I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
