saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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