Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
