dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
