ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
