Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
