There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
