i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I did not marry a roomba.
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