Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
