jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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