i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
