you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
