I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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