I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize