He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
