Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
