Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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