the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
