There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
