i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
