it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
