I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
