Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
