Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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