If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
