so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
