I wish I could teleport
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
