I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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