I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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