my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
