i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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