My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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