you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize