Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
