Duck Duck Cougar?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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