we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
