Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
