I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
