there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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