I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
