I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
