her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
