all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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