Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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