You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
