God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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