You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
ttyl tear gas
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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