...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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