god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
