i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
